I really like being sober. I like knowing that my moods are organic and how I deal with them are choices, surrender, and actually feeling and processing my emotions in a healthy way. What I am quickly coming to realize though is that people seem to project their own failures or experiences on to me and my recovery process.
Even my therapist who is the one who recommended treatment and adopting the 12 Steps seems to belittle my progress by saying, “Oh; the pink cloud of recovery.” Apparently, this pink cloud is something that happens when people get sober and like it; get excited about it; and look forward to a sober future. I don’t see an issue with this, and I can’t understand why so many people feel the need to shit on this phenomenon. In my mind, if riding this feeling keeps me sober; it is a good thing.
I understand the fears people have. They don’t want people to set themselves up for disappointment. Life gets hard. Life happens. However, the mantra is “one day at a time”, and I am practicing living that. I do have a healthy fear about my future. I know life isn’t always fair or happy. I know more than most just how fucked up life can be. The point is though, I now have the tools to meet life on life’s terms and when I face trials I will deal with them as they present themselves. Sometimes I may falter, sometimes I will be successful. Right now though, I am happy. Today I am sober. Today I don’t feel the need to reach for a drink or drug. Today I am surrendering to my Higher Power and enjoying every second of joy that is given to me.
It’s like people want me to walk around with an umbrella open on sunny days. I am grateful for my umbrella (A.A.) and I know that storms will come. However, I don’t feel the need to miss out on sunshine because one day a storm will come. I don’t need to be paranoid. It’s like people forget that I have experienced life before. I wasn’t born yesterday, I just learned some new coping skills. I have already had to put them into practice. I used to cope with alcohol. Now I cope by letting feelings happen, asking for help if I need it, and sharing my own experience, strength, and hope with others.
So what if it’s new? Should we not enjoy the fruits of our labors? Should we not have a bank of great days to remember when times do get tough? People are referring to it as a high. LOL Yes. Yes it is a high. I am high on living my life in a positive and productive way. I could go get drunk to celebrate like I used too, or I can just be really fucking glad that I can actually enjoy a great day without beer.
So for today; I am really fucking glad that I don’t need alcohol.
I will ride this “pink cloud” as long as God allows.
I will share my hopes, dreams, and 37 days of success without clarifying it with, “I know it won’t last.” I refuse to set myself up for failure, and I refuse to let others make me feel like this is some sort of fluke. I worked hard for this feeling. I made a decision to live my life differently, and I will make that decision everyday. What will come will come; and I will face it with my God, those who support me, and the skills I have learned.
So for those of you in recovery; regardless of your setbacks, relapses, or trials; just remember that it is your life and your sobriety. Don’t let anyone take that from you if you have 1 day or 40 years; you worked for it. You wanted it and made that decision everyday to surrender and make better choices. Just because others struggle, doesn’t mean that you will struggle in the same way. Keep an honest perspective, but also don’t wallow in what might be. That is why most of us turned to alcohol or drugs in the first place. If you have a day without fear – thank God for it. If you have another day of sobriety – acknowledge what you did to achieve it. If we live in our fears about tomorrow; well then, we haven’t gotten the “one day at a time” message right.
I’m off to enjoy my pink cloud on this beautiful sunny day in Philly.